So here I am nearly 8 months after the wheels fell off my relationship and I’m back to that strange place of uncertainty, the biggest difference this time around is I know what I want, or I have a pretty good idea of what I want. Perhaps what I mean is I know what I don’t want.
Something I’ve been trying to find out for quite some time is how do you know you are over something? What does it feel like when you have dealt with the shit experience? I keep telling myself that I’ve dealt with it and I’m ready to move forward but I’m starting to get the feeling that I’m just trying to convince myself and everyone else that I’ve dealt with it and its all behind me. I believe the umbrella term for that is “denial”…. bleh who cares, I know what needs to be done but I don’t know if that is what I want to do. Perhaps this is all part of the healing process? And just the last step I need to take to get over the hurdle.
I’ve been toying with the idea of trying again. My believe systems tells me that it’s a done deal and will work (as a believe system would) based on how we have grown and changed as a result of this breakup. Deep down I know the reality of this idea would never and could never work as I believe that both parties need to be in the same frame of mind and have the same wants out of the relationship, which isn’t the case here anymore. At this stage I’m able to look back at everything that has happened and I’m able to accept it and look forward. I don’t believe my ex can do that.
The main purpose for this post is for me to read it when I’m about to make a choice or thinking of making a choice that I know deep down is going to be detrimental to my well being.
Is it possible to be with and love someone forever? Someone that is worthwhile sticking around for is someone that you can love for who and what they are, through good and bad times.
“You will triumph over your enemy.”
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