I’m now officially single. I’m not sure how I should feel about that? I think at the moment I’m feeling indifferent, I’m assuming that’s normal? I still have the urge to just pack my stuff and disappear as things haven’t really gotten any easier in a lot of aspects its gotten harder as there is no pressure to make a relationship work and things seem to be just “working”.
I keep asking myself when are things going to get easier? are they actually going to get easier? How much longer do I need to hang in and fight the urge to just run away?
Something else that is starting to bother me, I think I’m bottling up the past and trying to ignore it instead of actually dealing with it. I just keep telling my self that I’m being too hard on myself and its still early days, there is plenty of time to deal with everything.
Something that has become very difficult is trying to string more than one thought together and to keep focused on anything. I’ve decided to start a short to-do list and try to force myself to stick to that, If my mind ends up wondering onto something else, I try and take note of that and attend to it at a later stage.
Its interesting that there are manuals and documentation for everything out there except with actually dealing with life. No one actually tells you or explains to you before you get into something what the possible short falls could be. I guess that is all part of life, if you only experience good, how would you be able to differentiate good from bad.
Anyway, I’ll try and keep this updated on my progress of my newly single life.
04/08/2008 at 9:11 am Permalink
I think it is normal to feel indifferent initially. It’s rather like an out of body experience. And you keep wondering: is this really happening. But then when it does eventually settle in you’ll be left with this terrible empty feeling and that’s when it begins to sting and eat away at you. And I doubt things will get easier. Well, at least it will take quite a while for that to happen.
If I can give you my two cents worth: don’t bottle it up. Talk. Vent. Even if you feel you are driving people mad. Also gym is good. But most importantly be prepared for the unexpected because your emotions are going to do strange things to you over the next few months.
05/09/2008 at 1:46 am Permalink
There are phases that we all experience after a painful event
First, there is denial, then realisation of the painful occurrence and guilt next is anger; why should this happen to me? Finally as part of the healing process there is acceptance
During these periods, we experience all types of hell, self-doubt, sorrow, feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame and loss. It is no use examining our past and chastising ourselves for what we are; that is long gone. Sure, it has influenced our just shattered relationship. It is important to gain an insight into our behaviour, correct what we consider our failings and strive to improve. We must never dwell on the past but having learned our lesson well we must look to our strengths and good qualities building on that for our future well being and happiness. We must ensure that we do not perpetuate the errors of our ways
And eventually with acceptance, we emerge as a stronger, wiser and better person. I know this is easy to write for it takes a long time, emotional pain and courage.
Please be assured, everything passes with time
Having learned from the devastation of the fateful event, we are able to move forward as a stronger, wiser and better person, never to repeat the same mistakes
Just around the corner joy and happiness await
I empathise with your pain
I am proud of you and love you