I mentioned in a previous post (moving on) that my wife and I were going to make a go of making our marriage work. Unfortunately it didn’t quite work out like I would have expected, we decided recently to get a divorce as our relationship wasn’t getting any better.
I knew 8 weeks ago when I said I would try and make the marriage work that there was a good chance it wouldn’t work, this is still a very difficult one for me to deal with, However my views are slightly different now (possibly I have grown up along the way) as I don’t see this as a negative but I’m seeing this as a chapter in my life that I’m closing only to open up a new exciting chapter.
Now that we are getting a divorce it’s made dealing with the deceit and rejection even worse. I’ve had some weird and wonderful thoughts of trying to get some form of revenge but I’ve realised that if I want to heal and move on I have to let go of everything that has happened and accept it.
By holding onto the past and having thoughts of trying to get some form or revenge I’m making that the center of my being as apposed to that being an experience in my life and apart of me. Sitting here now things don’t look good for me going forward as it feels like things aren’t going to get any easier but I know my future ahead is a promising one. I’ve got a lot going for me even though my marriage has fallen apart. I’ve got an amazing daughter, I have my health and a great job what more could I ask for?, I just need to be patient during this painful period.
I’ve also stopped trying to pass blame onto everyone else and have just accepted the outcome. I feel the only way for me to move forward and heal would be to accept my fate as it is. At the end of the day I’m only human and I’m not perfect and I do make mistakes. This failed marriage is apart of my life and always will be and isn’t something that I’m ashamed of. Although this isn’t the result I ever imagined, I believe I had to experience it in order for me to grow as I have.
This is me to closing one chapter and opening up a new chapter. I’m scared yet excited of the next step as I have no idea what to expect but I’ll hold my head high and look forward to the next adventure.
31/07/2008 at 9:16 am Permalink
Good to see you this week. You’re looking happier than you have in a long time…
06/08/2008 at 12:23 pm Permalink
I think you are handling things in a very mature way. I’m sure there will be times when you feel sad, and down, but they will get fewer and fewer.
You are a great guy - someone out there will be very fortunate to meet you.
04/09/2008 at 9:54 pm Permalink
There are phases that we all experience after a painful event
First, there is denial, then realisation of the painful occurrence and guilt next is anger; why should this happen to me? Finally as part of the healing process there is acceptance
During these periods, we experience all types of hell, self-doubt, sorrow, feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame and loss. It is no use examining our past and chastising ourselves for what we are; that is long gone. Sure, it has influenced our just shattered relationship. It is important to gain an insight into our behaviour, correct what we consider our failings and strive to improve. We must never dwell on the past but having learned our lesson well we must look to our strengths and good qualities building on that for our future well being and happiness. We must ensure that we do not perpetuate the errors of our ways
And eventually with acceptance, we emerge as a stronger, wiser and better person. I know this is easy to write for it takes a long time, emotional pain and courage.
Please be assured, everything passes with time
Having learned from the devastation of the fateful event, we are able to move forward as a stronger, wiser and better person, never to repeat the same mistakes
Just around the corner joy and happiness await
I empathise with your pain
I am proud of you and love you